Being at cause - it's up to you!

Recently I met with a friend for coffee who I hadn’t seen in some time. It was great to catch-up on what was happening in her life. She looked fabulous – her face was glowing, her eyes looked bright and clear and her general demeanour had a lift about it.

Isn’t it great when we see others who truly radiate! I had to understand what had been happening in her life and if she had been doing anything differently?!

Sadly, the beginning of her story is not an uncommon one in society today. She was working with a colleague who was bullying her. She raised the behaviour with the person on a number of occasions and experienced no shift in the bullying. She raised it above and with HR. Both parties addressed the behaviour – and still no change! It was really sucking her energy and making her feel unwell. So she changed what was happening. And what she did about the situation is where the story truly deviates from the common one we read – she decided to change herself.

Now please don’t read this and think she was succumbing to the bullying – no, not at all. She made a personal decision to change the way she lived her life and reacted to the event – she decided to be at cause. So what does being at cause really mean in this situation?

At Cause = Being at cause is all about focusing on what outcomes you would like in your life and taking the necessary steps to achieve it. You choose how you act and how you respond to how others act.


At Effect = You are part of the ‘problem’. You focus on what others did/didn’t do that led you to a particular outcome. You focus on how others ‘made’ you feel.

Being at cause gives you opportunities and options. Where-as being at effect means you limit your pathways to success and put your life in the hands of others.

I certainly know which side sounds better to me.

So what did my friend do?

First, she took the person out of the ‘problem’ and then she turned a perceived challenge ‘stress’ into an opportunity. After that she took three steps:

  • She started walking every day.

  • Knowing she likes a bit of competition, she registered for a fitness product that measured her steps (and a number of other health elements such as calories, pulse etc). And she used it as healthy competition with friends. She exercised and had fun!

  • She saw a hypnotherapist to help her develop some good sleep strategies. This had been an issue for a while that she decided needed to be fixed.

What happened you ask?

  • Her energy levels rose

  • She felt fitter and healthier

  • She reacted differently to situations

  • The bully went away!

So my questions to you are:

  • What personal strategies do you do to employ to ensure you are at cause?

  • What are your ‘at cause’ stories?

#nlp #personalsuccess #mindeset #attitude #action #coaching #bethebestyoucanbe #success #itsuptoyou